you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
