I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
