Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize