So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
