Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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