I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
