I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
