Even water is tasting like jack daniels
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just pee around me
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
