This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I just found a bag of teeth...
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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