she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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