im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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