I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
