you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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