the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
