I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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