dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
His hands were made for my vagina.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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