Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
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