Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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