took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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