We're facebook friends in real life
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
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