If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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