Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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