in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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