I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize