she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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