Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
