I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
