he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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