Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
