Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
