OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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