Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
handjob tips. give me some.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
