You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
