Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
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