Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Be still, my beating vagina.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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