I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
