Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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