I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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