Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
