Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
