Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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