I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
