She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Randomize