Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
