dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
