I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
