I wish I only lived at night.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
She's the barista slut.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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