i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
