The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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