reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
false alarm, still single
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
