these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
my phone needs a breathalizer
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize