I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
