Barsexuality is the new black.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
