how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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