tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
