I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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