big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Randomize
