um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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