i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
