Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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