Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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