my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
