I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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