i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
