I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
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