i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
