I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
