that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's like heaven, but drunker
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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