I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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