I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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