sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
