ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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