Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
