i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
