I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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