and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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