A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
