you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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