it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
