I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
