I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
how do flat chested girls get laid?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
