will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Randomize
