If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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