oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
