We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
