Already got asked if we're dating
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
