I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
