Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
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