I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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