She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
