i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
