Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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